Mid-conversation with McKenzie.
Me: Aren’t I full of awesomeness?
McKenzie: Yes. And that means I was born of awesomeness, which makes me the most awesome of all.
Hard to argue with that.
At the dinner table.
McKenzie: Ew, I got gravy on my elbow. Mom, could you get me a napkin?
Elise: Just lick it off.
McKenzie: I can’t lick my own elbow. That’s impossible.
Tyler, in all seriousness: It’s not impossible, but not everybody can do it. I looked on youtube for instructions how to, and it said if you can’t do it after following the instructions, then you just don’t have that talent.
Also born of awesomeness.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Tyler goes to school
Tyler does his homework on his laptop and then e-mails it to me so I can proofread and print it.
He likes to get cute with his subject lines:
“OH YEAH! KOOL-AID!”
And apparently he’s counting on me to read over his assignments carefully because he’ll embed all kinds of nonsense in the middle of his work:
Sometimes he’s less subtle:
Me: Did you turn in your lead paragraph?
I don’t bother to keep track either.
He likes to get cute with his subject lines:
“OH YEAH! KOOL-AID!”
“STOOPEED BOOK REEPOORT THEENG”
“Fridge”
“SOOSHAL STOODIES PAPEER LALOOLOOOLOLOLALALLAOOOLAOALOLAOOLLLLLAOOAOAL”
“SOCIAL STUDIES CRAP”
“BUTTS”
And apparently he’s counting on me to read over his assignments carefully because he’ll embed all kinds of nonsense in the middle of his work:
2.) Jimmy was a man, he was a man with a dream. He dreamed of eating leprechauns while they slept, and punching jaguars. Jimmy was a scary person. Sometimes he locked up cats in boxes and threw them at the ice cream man. Then the boxes exploded, and cats would fly in every direction. The ice cream man didn’t like Jimmy. The cats like the ice cream man though. They stick to him with their claws like an opossum on a Christmas tree. It was funny. Sometimes the ice cream man would say bad words, and the mama potato would have to cover up her baby potatoes’ ears. If those baby potatoes heard just one of them one time they’d be yelling it across the neighborhood for months, so it’s best to make sure their ears are covered when Jimmy throws his cats at the ice cream man.
Sometimes he’s less subtle:
His social studies class did a unit about checks and balances, which culminated in a major paper they worked on in segments. For one assignment, they had to write their lead paragraph for their teacher to review.
Me: Did you turn in your lead paragraph?
Tyler: Yeah, Mr. C said it was good.
Me: Did he give you any suggestions—anything you need to fix?
Tyler: No, he didn’t actually say anything. He just kind of read it and then set it back on my desk and moved on to the next person.
Me: And this is the same as him telling you it was good?
Tyler: Well, he didn’t say anything bad.
Me: How often do you lie to me?
Tyler: I don’t know. It’s not like I’m keeping track.
Me: Did he give you any suggestions—anything you need to fix?
Tyler: No, he didn’t actually say anything. He just kind of read it and then set it back on my desk and moved on to the next person.
Me: And this is the same as him telling you it was good?
Tyler: Well, he didn’t say anything bad.
Me: How often do you lie to me?
Tyler: I don’t know. It’s not like I’m keeping track.
I don’t bother to keep track either.
Things to scratch off the bucket list
#381: See Scar do a double axel in spandex.
Doesn't Syd looked overwhelmed with joy and excitement?
She's a little more convincing here:
I don't know what Elise enjoyed more, the cars...
...or the cotton candy...
It was a good time, but I'm still kicking myself over that $10 lemonade.
Potty humor
We also went to the pumpkin patch with Sydney's preschool class last Halloween. McKenzie insisted I take a picture of this:
A closer look:
That's all I have to say about that.
A Halloween Post
Here's some pics of the kids in their Halloween garb.
My first few Halloweens I was a total sucker, buying and passing out the good stuff only to have my children come home with gummy thumbs and chocolate eyeballs and Arby’s restaurant mints that had been scrounged from the bottom of someone’s purse or pocket or something. (The wrappers wrinkled and covered in lint and crumbs are kind of a tip off, cheapo restaurant mint passer-outers. If you think no one has noticed, you’re wrong.) Then I started buying the cheapo stuff like smarties and the bubble gum that’s rock hard by Veteran’s Day. The problem with that is if you overestimate the number of trick-or-treaters you’re likely to have, then you’re still stuck with the crap.
A few years ago, I finally figured out that if you send your kids out early enough, they can come home, sort the undesirable and inedible from the good stuff, and then you can turn around and pass it out to unsuspecting trick-or-treaters and keep the good candy for yourself. I know, it’s diabolical. But pretty much in keeping with the whole spirit of the holiday, no?
They ended up getting home in plenty of time, but the parade of trick-or-treaters had really tapered off by about 8:30 pm, and we still had plenty of candy of the undesirable, inedible variety left in our bowl. Nate tried to turn the porch light off at 9 pm, but I told him to leave it on just in case we got a few stragglers. I instructed Tyler and McKenzie to make sure the bowl was clear of any stuff worth keeping, and to just dump the entire contents of the bowl into the outstretched bag of anyone who dared trick-or-treat past 9 pm.
At 9:15 the doorbell rang and McKenzie dumped as instructed. We turned off the porch light and locked the door. Our house is now completely devoid of all the abominations that people try to pass off as Halloween candy. Complete mission success this year, my friends, complete mission success.
Yes, occasionally I do feel some pangs of guilt for re-treating something that I deem unworthy of my own family’s consumption. But some of these kids come from the very homes that are passing out this stuff, and while it would be helpful to have every child carry a sample of the offerings from their own homes so that one might be better able to judge what candy of which they are worthy, that’s not really realistic, is it?
Hey, it would be wasteful to just throw it away.
I am not a monster!
McKenzie as The Cat in the Hat:
Elise as The Cheerleader:
Sydney as The Black Cat:
Halloween ended up being a pretty busy day, so the girls didn’t get out trick-or-treating until after 7:30 pm. I was a little worried we wouldn’t be able to employ our annual Halloween candy strategy. You don’t have a Halloween candy strategy? I’m not talking about mapping out a trick-or-treating route or going to the houses with the best loot or anything like that. Let me explain.
My first few Halloweens I was a total sucker, buying and passing out the good stuff only to have my children come home with gummy thumbs and chocolate eyeballs and Arby’s restaurant mints that had been scrounged from the bottom of someone’s purse or pocket or something. (The wrappers wrinkled and covered in lint and crumbs are kind of a tip off, cheapo restaurant mint passer-outers. If you think no one has noticed, you’re wrong.) Then I started buying the cheapo stuff like smarties and the bubble gum that’s rock hard by Veteran’s Day. The problem with that is if you overestimate the number of trick-or-treaters you’re likely to have, then you’re still stuck with the crap.
A few years ago, I finally figured out that if you send your kids out early enough, they can come home, sort the undesirable and inedible from the good stuff, and then you can turn around and pass it out to unsuspecting trick-or-treaters and keep the good candy for yourself. I know, it’s diabolical. But pretty much in keeping with the whole spirit of the holiday, no?
They ended up getting home in plenty of time, but the parade of trick-or-treaters had really tapered off by about 8:30 pm, and we still had plenty of candy of the undesirable, inedible variety left in our bowl. Nate tried to turn the porch light off at 9 pm, but I told him to leave it on just in case we got a few stragglers. I instructed Tyler and McKenzie to make sure the bowl was clear of any stuff worth keeping, and to just dump the entire contents of the bowl into the outstretched bag of anyone who dared trick-or-treat past 9 pm.
At 9:15 the doorbell rang and McKenzie dumped as instructed. We turned off the porch light and locked the door. Our house is now completely devoid of all the abominations that people try to pass off as Halloween candy. Complete mission success this year, my friends, complete mission success.
Yes, occasionally I do feel some pangs of guilt for re-treating something that I deem unworthy of my own family’s consumption. But some of these kids come from the very homes that are passing out this stuff, and while it would be helpful to have every child carry a sample of the offerings from their own homes so that one might be better able to judge what candy of which they are worthy, that’s not really realistic, is it?
So yes, innocents may fall victim to the particular brand of Halloween candy justice we dispense here at Casa de Sumsion (I might be giving your child a box of Dots at the very moment you are generously dropping a king-snize Snickers into my child’s sack), but I can live with the collateral damage if it means I never again have to look at another Now and Later or Laffy Taffy or flavored Tootsie Roll collecting dust in my pantry.
Hey, it would be wasteful to just throw it away.
Plus, some people like that kind of stuff.
I am not a monster!
Every day is mother's time day
Because I had someone actually request an update on the blog, here are some funny kidspeak moments.
Sitting in church.
Elise: Can I get a drink of water?
Me: Wait ’til he’s done speaking.
Elise: Why?
Me: It’s rude to get up while someone is speaking.
Elise: But I’m not even listening to it. Can I get a drink of water now?
I’m right behind you.
Family game time.
Me: Which dwarf is missing from this list: Grumpy, Dopey, Sneezy, Sleepy, Happy, Doc?
Tyler: Happy?
Me: I said Happy.
McKenzie: Sleepy?
Me: I said Sleepy.
Kids: Silence.
I make my best Bashful face.
McKenzie: Dopey!
Me: I said Dopey!
Time runs out.
Me: I was giving you a hint!
McKenzie: Yeah, I know. That was totally Dopey!
I’m thinking this could be a vital clue to what went wrong in my dating years.
In the car.
Sydney: Mom, you’re the best mom in the whole world. When it’s Mother’s Time Day I’m going to make you a necklace out of beads.
Can’t wait.
Watching Enchanted, the ball scene.
Elise: That’s weird how people dance with other people’s mates.
Tyler: Mates? What do you think this is? Africa?
McKenzie: Africa?
Tyler, with a hel-lo attitude: You know, like Lion King? What did you think I meant?
Well, duh.
Tyler belchfest while I’m getting ready to put dinner on the table.
McKenzie: Tyler, please don’t eat the beans.
Tyler: I have ways to make gas that you don’t even know of. I don’t need to eat the beans.
They’ve been telling us he’s gifted for years. They had no idea.
Sitting in church.
Elise: Can I get a drink of water?
Me: Wait ’til he’s done speaking.
Elise: Why?
Me: It’s rude to get up while someone is speaking.
Elise: But I’m not even listening to it. Can I get a drink of water now?
I’m right behind you.
Family game time.
Me: Which dwarf is missing from this list: Grumpy, Dopey, Sneezy, Sleepy, Happy, Doc?
Tyler: Happy?
Me: I said Happy.
McKenzie: Sleepy?
Me: I said Sleepy.
Kids: Silence.
I make my best Bashful face.
McKenzie: Dopey!
Me: I said Dopey!
Time runs out.
Me: I was giving you a hint!
McKenzie: Yeah, I know. That was totally Dopey!
I’m thinking this could be a vital clue to what went wrong in my dating years.
In the car.
Sydney: Mom, you’re the best mom in the whole world. When it’s Mother’s Time Day I’m going to make you a necklace out of beads.
Can’t wait.
Watching Enchanted, the ball scene.
Elise: That’s weird how people dance with other people’s mates.
Tyler: Mates? What do you think this is? Africa?
McKenzie: Africa?
Tyler, with a hel-lo attitude: You know, like Lion King? What did you think I meant?
Well, duh.
Tyler belchfest while I’m getting ready to put dinner on the table.
McKenzie: Tyler, please don’t eat the beans.
Tyler: I have ways to make gas that you don’t even know of. I don’t need to eat the beans.
They’ve been telling us he’s gifted for years. They had no idea.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Motherhood is AWESOME
You know those moments in life where you can either laugh or cry? I have never laughed so hard in my entire life.
While going through McKenzie's homework folder, I found this storyboard (click on the images to enlarge):
While going through McKenzie's homework folder, I found this storyboard (click on the images to enlarge):
Me: What was this for?
McKenzie: Oh, that’s just a rough rough draft of something.
Wait, rough draft?
McKenzie: Oh, that’s just a rough rough draft of something.
Wait, rough draft?
...
Oh how I love McKenzie. This story will henceforth and forever be one of my most prized possessions.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)