McKenzie as The Cat in the Hat:
Elise as The Cheerleader:
Sydney as The Black Cat:
Halloween ended up being a pretty busy day, so the girls didn’t get out trick-or-treating until after 7:30 pm. I was a little worried we wouldn’t be able to employ our annual Halloween candy strategy. You don’t have a Halloween candy strategy? I’m not talking about mapping out a trick-or-treating route or going to the houses with the best loot or anything like that. Let me explain.
My first few Halloweens I was a total sucker, buying and passing out the good stuff only to have my children come home with gummy thumbs and chocolate eyeballs and Arby’s restaurant mints that had been scrounged from the bottom of someone’s purse or pocket or something. (The wrappers wrinkled and covered in lint and crumbs are kind of a tip off, cheapo restaurant mint passer-outers. If you think no one has noticed, you’re wrong.) Then I started buying the cheapo stuff like smarties and the bubble gum that’s rock hard by Veteran’s Day. The problem with that is if you overestimate the number of trick-or-treaters you’re likely to have, then you’re still stuck with the crap.
A few years ago, I finally figured out that if you send your kids out early enough, they can come home, sort the undesirable and inedible from the good stuff, and then you can turn around and pass it out to unsuspecting trick-or-treaters and keep the good candy for yourself. I know, it’s diabolical. But pretty much in keeping with the whole spirit of the holiday, no?
They ended up getting home in plenty of time, but the parade of trick-or-treaters had really tapered off by about 8:30 pm, and we still had plenty of candy of the undesirable, inedible variety left in our bowl. Nate tried to turn the porch light off at 9 pm, but I told him to leave it on just in case we got a few stragglers. I instructed Tyler and McKenzie to make sure the bowl was clear of any stuff worth keeping, and to just dump the entire contents of the bowl into the outstretched bag of anyone who dared trick-or-treat past 9 pm.
At 9:15 the doorbell rang and McKenzie dumped as instructed. We turned off the porch light and locked the door. Our house is now completely devoid of all the abominations that people try to pass off as Halloween candy. Complete mission success this year, my friends, complete mission success.
Yes, occasionally I do feel some pangs of guilt for re-treating something that I deem unworthy of my own family’s consumption. But some of these kids come from the very homes that are passing out this stuff, and while it would be helpful to have every child carry a sample of the offerings from their own homes so that one might be better able to judge what candy of which they are worthy, that’s not really realistic, is it?
So yes, innocents may fall victim to the particular brand of Halloween candy justice we dispense here at Casa de Sumsion (I might be giving your child a box of Dots at the very moment you are generously dropping a king-snize Snickers into my child’s sack), but I can live with the collateral damage if it means I never again have to look at another Now and Later or Laffy Taffy or flavored Tootsie Roll collecting dust in my pantry.
Hey, it would be wasteful to just throw it away.
Plus, some people like that kind of stuff.
I am not a monster!
No comments:
Post a Comment