Anatomy lessons

In the kitchen.

Sydney: Mama, I hurt my nostril.

Me: You hurt your nostril?

Syd, grabbing crotch: Yeah, right here.

Me: That’s not your nostril. Why do you call it your nostril?

Syd: ‘Cause that’s what I call my extra body.

Me: Your extra body, huh?

Syd: Yep, that’s right. That’s what I call it. Everything is a nostril on your body.

Me: Everything is a nostril?

Syd, turning around and patting her booty: Yeah, except for this.

Me: What’s that?

Syd: That’s a bummy!

Nostrils? Extra body? I’m so confused. She’s so confused.


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Later that day. In the car.

Syd: Mommy, I hurt my crotch.

Me: How did you do that?

Syd: I just scratched it.

Me: Oh. … Where is your crotch?

Syd, pointing to nostril: Right here.

It’s all starting to make sense now. A natural mistake, really, seeing how the words “crotch” and “nostril” are practically interchangeable.


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Last month McKenzie had a field trip to go swimming at the local YMCA, and came home somewhat disturbed by her locker room adventure. She saw naked people. Apparently, they were just walking around and sitting on benches and carrying on normal conversations with boobs and bums and other bits hanging out for all the world to see. I had not even thought to prepare her for this inevitable YMCA experience. Although, I’m not sure how one goes about preparing for it.

McKenzie: And there were old ladies in their bathing suits, and when I saw them I was like (putting hands to the sides of her face), “Ahhhh!” in my head. And then when I saw them naked, I was like, “AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” in my head.

Elise, coming in late to the conversation: There were naked people?

McKenzie: It was like the girls locker room and so there were like only girls, so I guess some people are OK with it, but some people are like not OK with it, so they should be more considerate.

Can I hear an AMEN?